Unexpected Awakenings

Disclaimer before I embark on this blog post: This is a long post. Very long. TLDR long. I do not mean to make anyone feel bad or guilty with this post. I truly hope everyone loves themselves no matter what size jeans they wear or what the scale reads. I have not been happy with myself for a long time and needed to make some serious changes. I have high blood pressure and there were other health concerns on the rise. I am sharing my story in hopes that someone will be able to relate to this and not feel alone. I share this so others that may have gained weight and developed unhealthy habits (baby or no baby), know that it is possible to make serious changes & see progress in a few short weeks.  I'll leave this blog post right here in case someone someday asks me how I began living a healthier lifestyle. 
I know my current weight loss isn't life shattering, but it's about so much more than a number to me now. 



I always rolled my eyes at the health & fitness junkies on my news feed. If I'm going to be honest, there are some folks that still elicit an eye roll. Very few. The really extreme hardcore ones. I may never relate to them. Or I just might... ?


If you're interested in learning a little about my past...  (otherwise, scroll ahead to 2015)

I danced as a child. It was more of a doctor's order for my pigeon toed-ness(?). He told my mom it was surgery or give ballet a try to fix my constant tripping and awkward waddle. I think if given a chance, I would have chosen surgery but alas, my mom signed me up for ballet.  I sucked, at first. I didn't enjoy it. It was boring. I later took jazz and hip hop, among others, and grew to love dance. I even danced on our high school's competitive dance squad. It was fun while it lasted and it kept me super skinny. I could eat M&M's and pizza every day and not gain a pound.

Fast forward to college when, let's be honest again, I didn't want to do much of anything. Going to class, working part-time, and sleeping became my hobbies. I remained super skinny thanks to lots of walking around campus and a speedy metabolism. No thanks to my HORRIBLE eating and drinking habits. My old roommates would most definitely agree.

2007: I meet Andy..we get engaged and married all within 18 months [woo!]. Thanks to Wii Fit & lots of stress, I lost a few pounds before the wedding and weighed in around 125 on my wedding day. Super skinny for a 5'7" chick. I really can't remember being that small. Ever.

These are pictures of me while we were on our honeymoon in 2009. 

2011: Fast forward again after a few years of wedded DINK bliss, I get pregnant with our first son. I was somewhere in my 130's before that pregnancy and weighed in around 185 the day he was born. Thanks to breast feeding and beautiful weather which allowed me to walk almost every day for 3 months, I pretty much lost it all and then some. I was right around 130 until... [duh duh duh] I stopped nursing/ pumping when he was 9 months old.
The weight gain seemed pretty instant. But I would say within 6-8 weeks, I gained 10 - 15 pounds. I was still eating that extra 500 calories even though my body was no longer burning it. And my body was pissed. My new lower metabolism was here to say "howdy" and liked it's new home.  I couldn't deal.

I hung out in the 140 poundage area until I got pregnant with our second son.
It's almost as if I was challenging my previous pregnant self to see who could eat more, be more lazy, and gain more weight this time around. Ya know, I was sure I'd lose it all again thanks to breastfeeding. ha
I gained another 50+ pounds and was just shy of 2-hundo on the day Teddy was born.

On the day Teddy arrived 5/2/14 ! I miss that huge belly! 

Pregnancy is truly a blessing and a woman's body changes in ways you couldn't dream of. I loved both of my pregnancies and was proud of my pregnant body. Some women barely gain weight. Some women lose weight. Some women gain a bunch of weight. No matter what, there are so many adjustments that take place and it is not always easy for a woman to cope after the baby is born. I chose to just be mad at myself for snacking so much and eating huge portions. Mad at myself for not exercising more and not enrolling in that yoga class while I was pregnant. And the hormones....those hormones. They definitely don't help.
It seems extremely unfair to be so hard on myself since I grew and birthed two children ... but I couldn't help the feelings of guilt and shame. I felt like I should have birthed a child and then immediately shrunk back to a skinny mini. I couldn't understand why my metabolism was failing me. I would skip meals to try and shed #'s and then eat a very large dinner. And ice cream for a late night snack. It was a messy, horrible cycle of feeling like crap, emotionally and physically.

Breastfeeding/ pumping did not go as planned the second time around and I only made it a few months. I managed to lose around 40 pounds but was still 15+ pounds heavier than before the second pregnancy & 25+ pounds from where I was before my first child. Where I felt my most comfortable. And energetic. And healthy. Aaand my clothes fit me.

Soon after #2 was born. 

2015
Twas a long, long winter. Right? This past winter was tough on me. I spent many days in our "cave", watching TV from the couch and eating horrible food. The cold and snow gave me ZERO motivation to do just about anything. My knees and back hurt way too much to try to do anything involving an increased heart rate. I ate many cartons of "Double Dunker" Turkey Hill ice cream. Tons of Chic-fil-A nuggets and waffle fries. Bread. Bagels. More bread. Beer/ wine with hubby at night. More bread. More fast food. And more Dairy Queen blizzards than I CAN COUNT.

My days consisted of inconsistent blood sugars and I would feel my blood sugar crashing, making me feel weak, shaky, and dizzy. It scared me. I would get a lot of headaches. My anxiety was getting worse. I felt frumpy, at best, and hated all of my clothes. On my body.  It took me forever to find something to wear and I was making everyone miserable with my complaining.
I would even tell myself to "shut up" because I couldn't stand my vicious thought cycle. I'd blame pregnancy. I blamed my husband's bad habits and told him he was the reason I wasn't fit. [You can laugh at me. I laugh too.]  I blamed the carpet. And the doors. I'd blame whatever was in my line of sight.

But truth hurts. I was to blame.
I am in charge of my body.
I decide what I eat.
I decide to stop feeling sorry for myself.
I decide to stop making excuses.
I decide to be lazy and inactive or to get off my butt.
I decide to resent my old clothes or feel great when they fit again.
I decide to be healthy for myself and for these 3 boys I love so much. 


SOMEWHAT PRESENT DAY (March 2015)
I am quite the social media nut. I frequent Instagram and Facebook. I began to notice posts from an old friend/ classmate from high school and nursing school, Meghan. She was "eating clean", exercising, drinking this chocolate shake, and looking great. She was posting motivational messages and following her posts really kinda made me want to get up and do some jumping jacks.  I mean, I never actually did. But I thought about it.

We reconnected and met up with our kids. She told me all about how she had success and after many failed attempts, what actually worked for her. She stressed how important food intake is. I know this. I'm a nurse. I seriously know how important it is to eat healthy, limit sugars. drink tons of water, and exercise regularly. I just never wanted to do any of it before.

I thought a lot about everything she said to me that day and decided to join her April Challenge Group.
I figured I have 2 months to get ready to wear clothes that show [gasp] my shoulders and knees. And the dreaded swimsuit. I don't know if I truly believed I would be successful. My low self esteem told me I'd fail and wouldn't be able to live without a blizzard for a few weeks. The willpower in me wanted to kick my low self esteem down and prove myself wrong.

So I committed. 

I did exactly what she said. I bought the 21 Day Fix/ Shakeology program.
In short, this program comes with 30-minute DVD workouts for 7 days of the week + different colored food containers and a guide to help you figure out what in the heck to eat. All clean eating! No sugars. No processed food. No salt. [Wait, what? No blizzards or chic-fil-a nuggets?] But I get to drink a yummy, chocolate shake every day which helps me not crave all of the other crap.

March 30th, 2015:    
For 21 Days, I busted my rump. I woke up EVERY morning around 6 am to complete my 30-minute work out before my husband and children woke up. This is very important for me. As much as I wanted to sleep in, if I didn't wake up early to get this over with, it was NEVER happening. Truth.  The first week was rough. I cursed at Autumn (the trainer) and threw things. Sorry, Autumn. I felt so SO out of shape. I couldn't even breathe. My body was shaking. I was dizzy afterwards for at least 15 minutes. I was so angry at myself for allowing it to get to this point.
That Thursday my body went through a shock/ detox period. And I mean...it was a detox. Sorry.
I felt so sick and achy. My body was, again, pissed and trying to rebuild itself after years of abuse.
I told my husband I never wanted to feel that way again and it really made me realize just how unhealthy I had become.
I stuck to the 21 Day Fix food recommendations and drank my Shakeology every day. My chocolate shake was my favorite meal each day. I ate clean. No fast food. Hardly any sugar. Not even in my coffee [gasp].

The photo on the left was taken on 3/29/15 right before starting the 21 Day Fix.
The photo on the right was taken on 4/30/15.
Notice my shorts in the left photo. They are screaming to get off of my body.

My goal for April was to lose 10 pounds although I was sure that was impossible. Meghan assured me that with enough effort, I could do it. And I did!

With just one 30-minute work out every day, eating 5-6 clean/ healthy meals a day, and drinking a delicious shake... I was able to jolt my body back into life. The support and accountability in our "April Challenge Group" really made a difference for me. 

TODAY...

I have energy.

I no longer feel dizzy, weak, or shaky. 

I don't get headaches. Unless they are sinus related. 

It doesn't take me 5 minutes to stand up after playing on the floor with my kids.

My anxiety level is the lowest it's been in years. 

I'm not bloated. 

I am starting to fit into old clothes and can finally stop wearing maternity clothes. 

My skin is clearer. 

I am more flexible.

I did a 60-second plank hold today. 

I no longer curse Autumn. I give her an air- high five every morning now. 

I am learning new recipes and discovering new food. 

My blood pressure is stable. 

Thank you, Meghan.

Thank you, 21 Day Fix. 

Thank you, Shakeology...

Thank you, Andy. I love you. 

Thank you, April Challenge Group! 

I still have more goals I am working on. My journey is FAR from done. I've learned so much this past month and am so ecstatic to share what I've learned with others.

I want to be someone's Meghan. I want to help empower and motivate others to look and feel their best. To be healthy for themselves and their loved ones. As a nurse, helping others is just in my nature. Now I have the chance to share something I'm passionate about with others while helping them achieve their goals. 

I have decided to co-lead a "June Challenge Group" for anyone that is ready to make some real changes and see/ feel real results! Meghan will also co-lead our challenge group for extra support and guidance.  

I am looking for 5 to 10 people to join us in June. 

I can tell you exactly what being part of a "challenge group" entails and how to get started. I would seriously love to help you! 

It sounds cliche...but if I can do it, so can YOU. 

Stop making excuses. 

Don't wait another day.

Change habits.

Eat clean.

Get moving. 

Drink more water.

Find accountability and support. 

I'd love for you to join me!

Email me: serena@saryanllc.com or message me on Facebook